It’s very difficult for me to write this, let alone post it on the Internet.
As well as my finances being a complete disaster, so is my home, it’s filthy and full of junk and rubbish. People that know me in real life would have no idea I live like that. It’s a secret shame and one that’s costing me a lot of money in multiple ways. I hide my lack of control from all but my closest friends and immediate family, and I haven’t had anyone come over since earlier this year, which is very depressing for me.
It stems from laziness, and then being overwhelmed by the size of the task ahead of me. I literally fantasise about being 'magic' so I can click my fingers like Sam on Bewitched and the place would be immaculate all the time.
Hmmm, that really does sound like my finances too (I confess I've done the same in the past regarding money as well), but then I seem to be making a good attempt at sorting that out once and for all.
It’s costing me a fortune literally as I have a rental inspection tomorrow afternoon, that I've known about for six weeks. I've procrastinated so much I now need to hire a junk removal service, plus a cleaner to get it as inspection ready as possible in a day. I estimate this will cost me up to $1000.
The smaller impacts of my living like this are things such as not using my stove or oven, so the microwave gets a workout with lots of frozen meals. Yes, they’re cheaper than takeaways (which I had been buying almost nightly before the financial shift), but still far more expensive than cooking my own food, not to mention less healthy. We won’t discuss the multitude of takeaway containers and pizza boxes that have failed to make their way out of the apartment over the last few months until today though.
I have a second bedroom full of junk/clutter, and my own bedroom is just as bad. I have already discovered multiple items of things such as scissors, cleaning products (oh the irony), hair colour, even books! I've been re-buying things I already own, simply because I can’t find them. I have too much stuff, no respect for the stuff I do have and I dare say much of it was paid for by credit cards.
Not to mention of course the emotional cost of the stress of the impending inspections, which I could have completely mitigated by chipping away at the junk over the last six weeks, or the reduced productivity at work due to lack of sleep, or the late fees from losing bills in the piles on the dining table.
I’m absolutely mortified by this situation, but have decided this is a problem I can throw money at this time, for the last time. I’m also determined to earn back as much of the cleaning and de-junking costs by selling off my unwanted books, CDs and DVDs over the next few months, or at least as much of them as I can.
I’m starting to think the universe is conspiring to give me a really big shove/wake up call at the moment, financial changes, home changes, work changes, what’s next, losing weight?
Here’s hoping I still have somewhere to live after tomorrow’s inspection.